When I became a mother, I realized I would also become a teacher, nurse, chaffeur, therapist, etc. But I didn't expect to become an innkeeper.
The Princess, you see, is the first grandchild on three sides of the family (yes, we have three sides, as my parents are long-divorced and remarried). This means that since September, we have had a merry-go-round of visits from grandparents and other assorted relatives -- an average of two a month. Contrary to what you might think, these visits have been generally wonderful. Since I have been home from work there has been time to sit and visit. The extra hands to hold and comfort The Princess have certainly been welcome. And it's nice to be actually all be together as a family, since we're the only ones here in the city.
But preparation and aftermath for each visit are another story, even when the guests are as understanding as your own parents. If we decided to open a bed-and-breakfast tomorrow, I think I'm well trained. Some things I've learned, some the hard way:
* Do a dress rehearsal of the visit a few days in advance. I mean, a real dress rehearsal. It won't do to pat yourself on the back for remembering to pick up your in-laws' favorite martini olives if you don't bother to check to make sure there is more than a jigger of vodka left in the ancient bottle of Absolut in the freezer.
* If your guests live in an older home with old-fashioned bathrooms, it may be necessary to explain why it pays to flush early and often in a modern, low-flush toilet. This will avoid a much more unpleasant conversation later.
* Never mind your attempts to save water. Run the dishwasher, even half-full, every night so you can start fresh the next morning. This also ensures no guests who are capable of rising at 5 a.m. on a Friday, but want to keep the lights off so as not to awaken the family, helpfully unload dirty dishes back into the cabinets under the mistaken impression than because you ran the machine Wednesday night you must have done it Thursday night, too. Consistency is key!
* If a guest is visiting for one night only, and a member of the same family is due in the same week, it is permissible to reuse the same set of sheets without washing. Just fold neatly and if you're feeling guilty, rub with a dryer sheet to impart freshly-washed aroma.
* Do not, ever, under any circumstances tell your guests how wonderful your baby has been lately and what fun they are sure to have with her. You are only setting everyone up for disappointment when she turns into a screaming mess of excitement with all the new company. (See Urban Mamas for more on this phenomenon.) Instead, start apologizing a week in advance for all the crying they will have to endure, the mess of toys sitting in the living room, etc. All positive experiences will then seem absolutely glorious and you will look especially capable.
Good advice. But what do you do about that ridiculous visitor who drops in, unannounced, on Christmas morning?
Posted by: Ricky | February 19, 2004 at 05:56 PM